dealbreaker:

The Dealbreaker Files: Back To The Friend Zone With You

Okay so you’ve been my friend for about a year and we’ve started to become close but I wasn’t really looking for a relationship.  When you asked me out on a date, I was definitely surprised but I said yes because you’re a nice guy and I really wanted to see the movie.

I get dressed up and even curl my hair so that it would feel like a real date (since you’ve never been on one).  But you show up to my door wearing what you always wear when we’re hanging out ie. tshirt and jeans.  But I brush it off because you look nervous and I think that’s sweet.  We eat at an Italian resteraunt that’s over crowded with bad service but hey, the calamari is to die for and you’re not a picky eater.  But as we’re sitting next to each other, I can’t help but notice that you smell strongly of aftershave and toothpaste.  I’m glad you cleaned up and everything but am I not worth a little spritz of cologne?  The smell is starting to churn my stomach but I try to ignore it and eat my lobster ravioli as quick as possible.

After dinner, we get in line for the movie.  You earn some brownie points by pre-ordering the tickets so we wouldn’t have that awkward “let’s-just-settle-for-a-crappy-movie-because-the-movie-we-wanted-to-see-was-sold-out.”  We wait in line only to find out the show time you bought isn’t for another two hours.  Two hours?  What the hell are we going to do for two hours besides watching other people get out of the movie spilling spoilers about how awesome it is.

I’m staying for this movie, but this just became a clusterfuck of a bad date.  Let’s just stay friends.

-Written By Hae Son Yoo

A casual guy who plans in advance and doesn’t reek of Axe? Send him my way please.